Looking Up

Things are looking up a bit since my last post..at least so far this week. Lauran seems to be back to her better self this week. I still have no answers back from the nurse yet, however next week is her appt at the child development center and I am eager to get that going. They will be assessing all aspect of her development.

I have been working on a boat load of questions and paperwork that they gave me in preparation for the appt. In going through some of the questions, I have had a big reminder of all that Lauran has gone through in her short life.

Sometimes, I admit, I do forget in away. In so many ways it seems like she has always been with us. Her adoption seems like it was light years ago. So much has gone on since then that I sometimes forget to reflect back on the reality of her past.

So far in her 4 years she has had 3 different homes, 2 sets of parents, and numerous caregivers in the orphanage.

 

Lauran has lived with us less time than she lived with her birth parents.

The time she lived in the orphanage is only now about the same number of months she has lived here.

Then there is the new country, new language, new siblings, leaving friends, and all the medical things she has had to endure in the midst of all those changes. 

It has not been an easy journey and is a learning process for all of us. God called us to adopt Lauran and even though sometimes I don't always know or understand the scope of what is going on with her, I know He does!  It has taken a lot of digging deep with God this past year to really come to a place to say that I completely trust Him with Lauran. Some days He has to remind me...but He has brought me a long way!

Sometimes God calls us to incredibly hard circumstances and following Him sometimes requires a lot of sacrifice. But in the process I am learning how to completely depend on Him and to see the beauty he is creating in the ashes of Lauran's past. In remembering all she has gone through I can't help but to see all that she has already overcome. I am witnessing Gods transforming power in Lauran's life in so many ways. It is amazing. It is when I start looking at my circumstances and I stop looking up, to the Creator of the universe, who has fearfully and wonderfully made Lauran and can count the hairs on her head, that I start to think I can't handle the difficulties.

Life is a journey about Him and the journey of adoption has taught me more about what that means.

 Isaiah 61:3

to bestow on them a crown of beauty

instead of ashes,

the oil of gladness

instead of mourning,

and a garment of praise

instead of a spirit of despair.

They will be called oaks of righteousness,

a planting of the LORD

for the display of his splendor.  

Ramblings of a few bad weeks..

  Since my last post....

• My camera that was having issues, but working, is now NOT working at all.
• My dishwasher is again having issues ....which is frustrating since we recently spent a decent chunk of $$$ to fix it...and now may need a new one.
• This past Friday a vacuum fell on my foot..thought I broke it...since I had excruciating pain and it looked like a balloon. Since the weekend was ahead AND because my husband and I had a long over due, day out planned on Sat., I decided I should go to the Dr. and have it checked out.
• But because it was my right foot I couldn't drive...I called to see if my husband could come home....he said he could....but when he went to his car his battery was dead...thus we had to buy a new car battery!
• My foot was thankfully not broken but very sore! It ended up being ok enough the next day to go on my day out with my husband...but while we were out I ended up getting a headache, which, with the sun and 90 degree temps, turned into a migraine, and by the time we were home I was sick to my stomach and ended up having severe vomiting.
• Early this week Lauran had her transfusion...and the clinic was extremely full and loud...not to mention she had a complete melt down about watching a movie,which made for a long appt.
• Despite her transfusion and a small break from tantrums last week... she went right back to her behavior issues this week, one of which started outside at Megan's t-ball game for the whole world to see and hear. Needless to say I left the park..which made it worse... and the whole thing ended up going on for an hour!
• After a little thinking on my part and looking at other "symptoms"she seems to have lately...I called her nurse to discuss some other possible causes for her mood swings and am praying my discussion leads to answers...in the mean time we have an appt with the child development center.
• The last couple days Megan has been under the weather with a sore throat and fever.
• And lastly, today, all day, were storms and torrential down pours and  my husband was temporarily stranded on a flooded road on his way home from work...but thankfully made it home safely!

Ok..well I think that pretty much covers life over the past 10 days. Summer can be a lot of work sometimes with 4 kids home, but also a lot of fun and I won't pretend the last few weeks have put a damper on my summer spirit!

I know in the grand scheme of things, most of the "bad" over the past few weeks really is not that big of deal. It has just been a lot at once. The mood swings Lauran is having are difficult and confusing though, and I am praying God reveals some answers soon. The way I described it to the nurse is that it is like a light switch getting turned on and off. The difference is like day and night. To go months with her being a compliant, well behaved, happy, typical little 4 yr old girl, to the complete opposite over the last month, makes me feel like something else is wrong!

Anyways..if you are reading this and feel like praying for us, I'd appreciate it!

We love Lauran, challenges and all, and I am trusting God in the process of working it all out!

I will end with a couple of the "few" pictures I have from some of the better days we've had this summer...the beach and the zoo!

The Downside...

of  camera's, computers and Thalassemia!

I seem to be experiencing the downside of all 3 of those things lately, all of which have caused a delay in blogging. My computer was having major issues and wasn't working at all for a week.  My camera is also having issues.....working... but not well. It takes one picture and then will not take a second one..at least not one that isn't completely black. I have to turn it off and then on again to take another picture.

Anyways, thanks to my hard working hubby the computer now works, but now I am having problems with my camera software that is on the computer.So in order to edit my pictures I have to do it on an online site that I sometimes use, but is definitely not efficient when you just want to do some of the simple stuff, (like cropping) that a complete amateur like me does with pictures, and then calls it editing.

With all that said...blogging has kind of been an ordeal with the camera and computer issues.

Then there is Thalassemia. Well at least I think I am experiencing one of  the downsides of Thalassemia. I have been around and around in circles with the Dr.s and in my head with the relationship between Lauran's behavior problems and her Hemoglobin (hgb) levels or red blood count (rbc).

 First a little background. Her hemoglobin levels definitely have up's and downs! They like to transfuse her before the levels dip below 9.5. Mostly to avoid her bone marrow from going into overdrive..which then causes other problems. That used to be every 4 weeks. Last Fall they were going below 9 at 4 weeks...so she was switched  her to 3 weeks.

When we first switched her to 3 weeks she was generally in the low 9's. Early this year she was at the 9.5- 10 range...so we stayed on the 3 week schedule.

 Then this spring she started having numbers between       10-10.5...which was great! We stayed on the 3 weeks schedule to watch and see if she kept the pattern....which she did! What I noticed in those months of having her levels not drop below 10 was a huge difference in behavior and moods.

 As much as I have asked and researched, Lauran should not really have severe mood issues with her levels staying above 9. BUT....in all the months she was not dropping below 10 we had not one extreme tantrum. She had what I considered more "typical" 3 year old behavior. She had fussiness and outbursts, but not to the extreme that she was having them before. The difference I saw was like night and day to me.

That brings me to this month. Since her numbers were higher for several transfusions in a row we tried to stretch it to 3.5 weeks to see if we could get back to 4 weeks. The 4 days leading up to the transfusion were awful. Her extreme behavior had returned.....and as I had guessed her levels had dropped to the low 9's. The problem is I have not seen a return to her more stable self and we are 2 weeks past the transfusion. I am not sure all what is going on this month.

Like I said, I have gone round and round with the Dr's on the relationship between her moods and her hgb levels. They didn't seem to think going into the 9's should cause a significant mood and behavior issues. Yet they don't negate that what I am noticing isn't real. It seems like the last few months of having really great hgb levels and a complete turn round in behavior...speaks to some cause and effect of her levels and behavior.

What ever the reason, the last few weeks have been tough. She has had a bad tantrum almost every day for the last 2 weeks...sometimes 2 in one day....this week seems to be a bit better though! She has also had sleep issues and has just been overall more irritable. It has been a couple of long, hot summer weeks here!  Sometimes I let the stress get to me..but I still feel God's hand on me in this journey as I learn along the way. The upside of any downside truly is walking through it with faith!


So that is the gist, and then some, of the break in blogging. We have managed to fit in some fun over those weeks and will post some of the few pictures I managed to get with my not working so well camera! A new one is being added to my wish list. Unfortunately..the new one I have my eye on is a  lot of $$$.
I may be suffering for a while :(
 Not complaining....just saying ;)